backcover information:

Greater numbers of high school students than ever before are participating in international exchange programs. The Exchange Student Survival Kit is written specifically to help students understand this unique experience better, and to avoid many of the common misunderstandings and problems that may occur in the course of their adjustment to a new culture, a new family, a new school, and a new community.

Beginning with an overview of the exchange experience, Ms. Hansel gives the readers insights into the special nature of the exchange student role and their relationships to the families and communities in which they are placed. In the second half of the book, we follow the course of a year-long exchange program studying each stage of the process using real incidents and examples taken from the experiences of dozens of exchange students and international travelers.

Bettina Hansel's writing is based on years of research and professional involvement with AFS Intercultural Programs. She received her Ph.D. in Geography from the Maxwell School at Syracuse University and has both written and presented professionally on the dynamics of youth exchange programs.

 

CONTENTS

Preface by Bettina Gregory Introduction PART I: ON BEING AN EXCHANGE STUDENT 1. What Does It Mean to Be an Exchange Student? 2. What Does the Host Family Offer? 3. Cultural Baggage: Beyond the Customs Counter 4. What You Need to Know about Culture 5. The Adjustment Cycle 6. Cross-Cultural Challenges for the Host Family PART II: GUIDELINES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR THE EXCHANGE STUDENT Introduction 7. Stage 0: Preparing to Go Abroad 8. Stage 1: Arrival 9. Stage 2: Settling In 10. Stage 3: Deepening the Relationship 11. Stage 4: Culture Shock 12. Stage 5: The Holidays 13. Stage 6: Culture Learning 14. Stage 7: Predeparture 15. Stage 8: Readjustment Postscript: Special Issues and Concerns Appendix: What You Should Expect from an Exchange Program Suggested Reading List

Introduction

Every year thousands of secondary school students leave their homes and families to travel hundreds, or thousands, of miles to unfamiliar countries, to live for a year with a family of total strangers, and to go to school where lessons are taught in a language different from the one they speak and understand. Why are there so many young people just like you who become exchange students every year? And why are there hundreds of programs offering this sort of experience to young people all over the world? Since you are an exchange student yourself (or thinking about becoming one), maybe you have some answers to these questions. Perhaps you've had to answer questions of friends or relatives who do not understand why you want to do this. Maybe you're beginning to wonder yourself why you decided to be an exchange student.

Students have been traveling abroad to study for centuries, but the high school exchange student is a relatively new traveler. Most of the major exchange programs for secondary school students came into existence following the Second World War. Their sponsors sought to promote understanding between peoples, to heal the wounds of the war. If an American family could host a young German or Japanese student, or if American, English, or French students could live for a while with a German family, then maybe feelings of friendship would grow in place of hatred and mistrust---certainly a daring goal for a troubled time.

Today, of course, we still live in troubled times, and healing is needed as much as ever. In the decades since World War II, the world has seen many conflicts, major and minor, between nations. Scars from long and difficult wars such as Vietnam and the shifting but constant crisis in the Middle East have marked entire generations in those areas and countries. Even the memories of the Second World War still linger like ghosts and leave a painful reminder of the need for tolerance and understanding among peoples. After forty years, a young German girl and her American Jewish host family had to struggle with this history. "I had never thought much about Jewish people or World War II," she said. "My parents were children then, and my grandfather never discussed it. But to my host family, the war experience was still very real and immediate. We talked about it a tot. It was good for both of us." For the host mother, these discussions led to "a great, wonderful healing" that was a very special part of the family's experience with the German girl.

Today's world is rapidly changing. New conflicts continue to erupt between nations. While we live in the wake of a world that was for years controlled by opposing superpowers, the ending of the Cold War has not brought the hoped-for peace. Our world remains divided for myriad reasons. Modern communications and transportation have greatly increased contact between cultures but have not increased their understanding of each other. In fact, there may be more opportunity for misunderstanding than ever before. More communication is taking place between people of different cultures who give very different meanings to the messages that are sent.

Exchange programs by themselves will never bring peace to the world, but they do provide a way for young people to live in another culture and learn how other people give meaning to their own lives and to the messages they send and receive. This is an important reason for being an exchange student. Although you see yourself---and others may see you---as an "ambassador" representing your country overseas, your primary goal will be to learn about your host country and culture and about yourself. Your year abroad is intended to be a very special educational experience.

What can you learn as an exchange student? You may think first about learning a foreign language. Since you'll need to use the language to communicate with your hosts, you will have plenty of motivation to learn it. Whether you've just started or whether you've studied it for years, your fluency is going to improve because you'll be using the new language in much the same way as you did when you learned your own language.

But communication and understanding involve more than just knowing the language. You may already understand the words perfectly in a language, but still miss the meaning of a spoken sentence. For example, you might not understand a joke someone tells you because you haven't experienced the situation that makes it funny. Or, you may be confused by some conversation between two people because you don't understand the roles that different people play in that culture.

During your year abroad, you will build the experience you need to make sense of the jokes and the role-defined relationships. Even if your exchange program is shorter, the impact of living in another culture is great.(1) You'll come to understand the significance of certain ways of saying things and of different behaviors. Events will have special meanings, and the right thing to say or do will depend on the situation. What you'll be learning is a different way of looking at the world, that is, the way it's seen by the culture of the people who live in the country you're going to visit.

But, you may ask, why is it so important to learn these things? What's so good about learning how to see the world from a different perspective from your own?

While you were growing up, you were taught certain ways to behave. You learned that some things were good and some were bad, some right, some wrong. You learned to like certain things (people, places, food, appearances, etc.) and dislike others. You learned the correct way to talk or communicate with others according to who they were (friend, parent, teacher) and to their rank, age, or other factors. You learned how you should behave and how you shouldn't, what you should believe and what you shouldn't. You even learned how to think and learn in the particular ways people in your society think and learn. There are two important things to understand about what you were taught and what you learned as you grew up: (1) that all these rights, wrongs, goods, bads, shoulds, and shouldn'ts are what define the culture you live in and carry inside you and (2) that every culture is different and teaches its children its own distinctive rights and wrongs. In short, different cultures have different ways of looking at and valuing life. They have different outlooks and perspectives that are embodied in their ways of thinking, behaving, and communicating. And this is what is so important about the opportunity to learn which the exchange experience offers. By being able to encounter and learn about how another culture sees and responds to life and the world, you gain a sharper image and better understanding of your own culture and your own outlook on life. You also develop the ability to adapt to other cultures by coming to understand that these kinds of differences are normal and okay. What you believe to be right or wrong and how you behave depends on what you have learned in your own particular culture.

New ideas from another culture will challenge your thinking and bring your attention to aspects of your life at home that you wouldn't ordinarily notice. Shu-Mei had never made decisions alone in China. She discussed her opinions openly with her parents and her friends, but it was never up to her to decide what to do. Much of the time, her parents or her teachers told her what she should do. Even when adults weren't involved, such as when her friends got together for games and parties, the activities were typically planned in advance, and Shu-Mei always went along with what the group was doing. But here in the United States, she was often expected to be independent in her decisions. "Decide for yourself," was the expected pattern. People expected her to make all sorts of major and minor decisions on her own. In her new school, she even had to choose what classes to take, but this made no sense to her. What did she know about what was appropriate to take? She had a counselor from the school to help, but this woman kept asking her, "What do you think you should take?" Shu-Mei had no idea. Later, after she was enrolled, the social studies teacher wanted her to state her own opinions on current issues. As far as Shu-Mei could see, she had no opinions to offer. But decisions were a constant part of school. On tests she had to decide which essay questions to answer. She had to decide which sport to play in gym class. Her host family expected her to make a lot of her own decisions, too. What kind of sandwich did she want to have for lunch? What did she want to drink? When did she want to do her homework? What did she want to wear to school? Shu-Mei found it difficult and often exhausting to have to make so many little decisions about everyday life. How could she know what would be best?

In thinking about her problem, Shu-Mei realized that it was important for Americans to be able to make all these decisions themselves. She began to watch the Americans around her and ask them questions about why they behaved the way they did. She noticed that even her little four-year-old host brother, Tommy, was encouraged to select his own clothes each day, and, even though the shirts and pants were often mismatched, Linda, his mother, almost always let him wear what he had picked. This surprised Shu-Mei, so she asked Linda about it. Linda explained how important she felt it was for Tommy to be able to manage on his own and make his own decisions without relying too much on his mother all the time. This was a very surprising idea for Shu-Mei and her first real introduction to the concepts of American individualism and independence. Tommy was being taught how to make decisions so that when he was older, it would be easy for him to make the kind of decisions that Shu-Mei was now finding so difficult.

Shu-Mei's learning was not just about the United States and its individualistic culture. She was also learning more about what it means to be Chinese and how this was an important part of her identity. In contrasting the Chinese patterns and values with those of the United States, Shu-Mei gained new insight into her own culture. Learning about one's own culture and values is an essential part of the exchange experience. You become more aware of the patterns your culture has set that guide your behavior and reactions. You try new ways of doing things, so you can also discover your hidden talents, learn new skills, and create fresh possibilities for your life.

This process we have just described is called intercultural learning. Intercultural learning does not happen to you simply by going abroad, however. It's likely to be one of your greatest educational challenges. Your new friends and family will have many surprising values and attitudes. They probably have strange ways of behaving, too. Some of these differences will seem new and exciting. Some things you'll like better than what you have in your own country.

Other differences will be difficult for you to accept. At times you may feel angry, insulted, confused, or embarrassed.

For Jaime, an exchange student from Colombia, the variety of courses offered in his U.S. high school was a big improvement in his mind from the situation in his Colombian school. He was thrilled that he could take photography and journalism as school courses. He imagined an exciting new career for himself, traveling around the world as a photojournalist. However, in his host family he experienced another difference that was not so pleasing to him. His host mother expected him to help with the "women's work" of washing the dishes and cleaning the house. He could only feel insulted at being asked to do these chores---which he would never have been asked to do at home---and he couldn't believe that anyone would treat him this way.

Similarly, Frances, an American girl visiting Sweden, could not believe how much freedom her host parents gave her. For the first time in her life she felt she was treated as an adult. Her host family trusted her completely and did not set curfews for her when she went out with her friends. But she was very uncomfortable with the family's disregard for religion. They did not seem to take her seriously when she tried to talk to them about her faith, and they had no interest in going to church with her. She often found herself in tears trying to convince the family that she was right.

With the help of warm and loving host families and concerned adults in the community, both of these students eventually learned to accept the differences they found, both those they liked and those they didn't. Jaime gradually understood that, in the United States, washing dishes was not solely women's work and he was able to do his chores without feeling any resentment or insult. Frances decided to accept her hosts as good, loving people whose beliefs were of an entirely different nature from her own. She did not reject her beliefs, but she became better able to tolerate other beliefs even when they contradicted her own.

Some differences will be challenging in another way. You'll find things in the host country that won't make sense to you or that seem stupid or crazy. With patience, you will usually be able to find an explanation that is neither stupid nor crazy. For example, one American student who went to Japan reported:

I couldn't understand why my Japanese family had an electric dish-drying machine. To me, it would make sense to have a dishwasher, but if you didn't have one, you could certainly leave the dishes to dry by themselves rather than use a machine. Later someone explained to me that drying dishes in the air wouldn't be sanitary. So I realized that the machine wasn't so much to save work as to dry the dishes in a sanitary way.

It may seem trivial to talk about such things as differences in the way dishes are dried, but it is often in these very ordinary activities that deep cultural attitudes are most firmly rooted---in this case, attitudes about cleanliness and about the uses of machinery. As an exchange student, you have the chance to experience everyday activities which will eventually lead to encounters with deep cultural differences. You will struggle with curious values and strange ideas, and you will have to make sense out of the confusion you feel.

It is often said that nothing of value is easily attained. This is certainly true of genuine understanding between people and of the learning that occurs in the intercultural experience. These are the challenges the exchange program offers you. This book is designed to help insure that you can meet them.

Being an exchange student is not easy, and not always fun, so you need a "survival kit" to keep you going at times. Explorers going into uncharted territory will take along a small bag or kit filled with a variety of items---medical supplies, matches, canned food, etc.---that may be useful or essential as they try to survive in the wilderness. This book, like a survival kit, holds a variety of ideas, hints, or suggestions that will help you succeed and navigate the uncharted, or at least unfamiliar, country to which you are headed. We suggest you not read it once and set it aside. Read it straight through---before you leave or after you arrive at your destination---but then return to it again after you've had some substantial experience in your host country. Each step of the way, you will find something that will be enlightening and valuable to you in your effort to have a successful exchange experience.

Your exchange year is likely to be a very intense, very emotional time. Your reward will be the relationships you build that can last a lifetime. The experience you have will continue to shape the way you live for years to come.

Note: For students visiting the United States, this book is designed to be a companion publication to The Host Family Survival Kit: A Guide for American Host Families by Nancy King and Ken Huff (Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press, 1985) in which the patterns of intercultural learning and cross-cultural adaptation are discussed from the perspective of the host family. It focuses on the same principal adjustment and communication issues and uses the same eight stages to examine the experience in detail. Students and host families may want to use the two books together as a basis for discussions designed to enrich the experience and/or solve problems in their relationship which may arise from time to time.

---

work under copyright
copies may be available at: